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EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY:
Company Policy:
Effective from January 2005
Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your
salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci
bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do
not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to
manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes,
and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right,
you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not
need a raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of
sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to
come to work.
Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are
called Saturday & Sunday.
Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do
for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should
be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In
rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral
should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to
allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently
leave one hour early.
Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is
now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end
of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll
will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be
taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted
on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders
category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat
more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15
minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their
average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because
that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to
provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all
questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,
irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
directed elsewhere.
Company Policy:
Effective from January 2005
Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your
salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci
bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do
not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to
manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes,
and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right,
you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not
need a raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of
sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to
come to work.
Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are
called Saturday & Sunday.
Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do
for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should
be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In
rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral
should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to
allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently
leave one hour early.
Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is
now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end
of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll
will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be
taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted
on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders
category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat
more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15
minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their
average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because
that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to
provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all
questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,
irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
directed elsewhere.
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